She was a tiny creature with the body of a girl and the wings of a butterfly, she had long long raven hair that rippled in cascading curls down her fragile back, and her wings were magnificently huge with splashes of every color of the rainbow, yet still very delicate and translucent, her name was Joy.

    She tried her hardest to please the powers that be, yet her efforts were fruitless, the sorceress of the east despised her. She hated her flamboyance and her warmth; she feared her optimism and her free spirited nature. She plotted to destroy her.

    With every passing day Joy grew stronger and stronger her wings became even more breathtakingly beautiful, her little rosebuds adored her and grew only for her, their color deepening and their fragrance intensifying, yet when the sorceress came they hid their beauty behind their deep green foliage.

    It was too much for the sorceress, she was out of her mind with rage, she couldn’t understand her, therefore she had to destroy her. She summoned all her anger and rage; she produced from between her cracked lips one black drop of liquid, the venom of her ignorance. She took the deadly venom and buried it deep with in the earths warm heart, when morning came a crimson berry had sprouted from the deadly venom drop; the sorceress plucked it and sent it as a gift to Joy.

    The glossy red color of the berry enticed Joy and she chose to trust the sorceress, for she was known for her wisdom. Joy bit into the berry, its juices running down her delicate chin.  As the venom spread through her body she fell withering in pain within the heady fragrance of her precious rose buds. The sorceress was delighted as she witnessed Joy’s pain; she wouldn’t stop there though, she lifted her majestic robes and crushed Joy’s wings under her stubby feet, Joy wouldn’t scream, she held her pain close to her heart like a protective cloak and refused to make a sound, yet she was too weak to fend for herself. The sorceress was out of control she fell to her knees and started to rip at the colorful masses she rubbed Joy’s warm blood all over her wrinkly face in a barbaric expression of her glee. Joy lay in a pool of her own blood twitching in the pain inflicted by the wise sorceress, hot tears spilling from her swollen eyes, as she took a ragged breath a promise burned in hear broken heart….one day I shall soar!  

As she walked through the intricate halls, she felt the chilly fingers of worry grasp her heart, where was he?! Beads of cold sweat marred her lily white forehead, and she kept running her trembling fingers through her hair, tangling the long locks. She knew her husband was a strong stalwart man, not a weak child yet she still worried, for of late his color has been pail and dark circles have formed under his eyes. She kept running frantically through the halls, the hour was getting late she needed him at her side. Suddenly she found herself standing in front of a large brass door, one she hadn’t seen before, it was odd that there was a part of her house she didn’t know off. Her curiosity overcame her and she pushed the door open, what she saw pleased and confused her all at once. She was standing in room larger than any she has ever seen with impossibly high ceilings yet the odd thing was that all the walls were made of glass. She was surrounded with the loveliest cherry blossom trees she has ever seen, miles and miles of the exquisite bloom. She was in a sea of the translucent delicate cherry blossoms, their heady sent filling her senses. She walked further into the indoor forest. She didn’t know where she was going but she kept wandering aimlessly through the familiar trees, their comforting sight calming the chaotic rhythm of beating heart, all she cared about was finding her husband. As she walked deeper and deeper into the trees her heart began to calm, as if a soothing balm was washing away her worries, she began to relax and slow her pace. She finally knew where her steps were leading her. Yet when she reached him she was surprised to find him on his knees with his hands deep with in the earth his bare back covered with dried mud. She walked to him and wrapped her arms around his waist “I was worried” he covered her hands with his and pressed them into the warm skin of his torso. “You always spoil my best surprises” he said as he pulled them both to their feet, he reached for his coat which was hanging on a near by branch and draped it over her shoulders “You will catch your death in this chill” she couldn’t help but smile, this from the man standing shirtless in the bitter cold. “what is this place?” he pulled her into his embrace before he answered “my gift to you, I know how much you miss these trees of your childhood, they are as delicate as you, they couldn’t withstand the heat of my land so built theme their own home, a place you could visit and be at peace.” She caressed his cheek and brushed his lips gently with her own “this is the only place I can ever be at peace my love” he tightened his hold on her, their hearts beating in union to the rhythm of their love. Her heart called his and its answer led her to him. They were one…

 The Earl sat in front of the fire, his long legs stretched in front of him, the flames casting a golden hue on his tan face, and shining in his raven locks. His muscles were tens and his head felt like hammers where thumping inside his skull, yet all he seemed able to think about was her. He could remember the first time he saw her as if it were yesterday. He could still smell the heady scent of lavender that sill lingered in her hair today. He remembered hearing the sound of her musical laughter before he actually set eyes on her and that was enough to ensnare his heart, but when saw her he knew his heart would be hers forever. She had the innocence of a child deep within her hazel eyes, yet she walked with the grace of a woman. Her skin was as soft and downy as a lilies petal and her hair was as dark and silky as raven’s feather. She was a walking contradiction innocent yet seductive, fragile yet so strong. She was the love of his life. And she was troubled. He longed to soothe her pain and wash away her fears yet he didn’t know how, he didn’t know what were the demons that were haunting her every waking moment and steeling the sleep from her eyes. It was as though she could sense she was on his mind because at that moment she walked into the room and brushed her fingers through his hair. He caught her hand in his and pressed a kiss into her palm. She didn’t move. He could see the shadows in her eyes, and it enraged him, why wouldn’t  she trust him with her problems. “What is it my love, tell me?” he tilted her chin up so he could look straight into her eyes yet she pulled away from his embrace. He felt powerless, yet his blood was pumping madly through his vines. He didn’t seem to be aware of his actions, he grabbed her upper arms and shock her slightly “what has been troubling you? Trust me! Tell me!” she was about to shout back but her words seemed to lodge in her throat and she just sagged in his arms, mighty sobs shock her slender frame. He warped his arms around her and held her against his strong chest, as if he willed his strength to seep into her body. she felt a warm moisture on her cheek, mixing with the bitterns of her tears, yet her pain was so strong that she didn’t pay it any head, she needed to empty all her sorrow into the one person who could make her feel better, then she heard his sharp gasp of pain.  She looked at him but his chest was covered in bright crimson blood, she touched her cheek and her fingers came back drenched in his blood. He fell to his knees with a horrid thud.

“Your tears burn me my love, but give me all your pain and I’ll turn them into pearls” he stretched out his trembling hand and offered her a rope of the most exquisite pearls. She shoved the peals to the ground and started rubbing her small hands franticly over the jagged wounds on his chest “I am sorry my love, I will stop crying just don’t leave me” she rubbed his wounds with such determination and need, as if her movements could give him back his spilled blood. They sat on the thick rug in each others arms sharing their pain as one. They were one. They were each others love.

She was tall very tall with jet black hair and translucent skin; she was in that beautiful place which is known as the spring of life. She was known for her musical laughter and her happy charm. Yet the colors of her life seemed to be constantly dimming. She sat in the dark corner of a dusty abandoned room, the cold tiles chilling her to the bone but she didn’t seem to mind or notice. Her mind was in a pensive state and all she seemed able to focus on were the many clouds shadowing her horizon. Fragments of long ago conversations buzzed in her ears, laughter, tears, arguments and discussions all mingled together in one big confusing jumble. She dug the heals of her hand into her eyes, trying to make sense of it all, why was this happening? What was she supposed to do to make it stop? She had always thought that if she was true to herself and gave all that she could with all the honesty she could she would be happy. How should she change? She needed an answer. As she sat there thoughts hammering her head and her heart heavy with the desire for peace she glimpsed a fragile white rose bud fighting its way through a crack in the filthy window, she brushed the velvety petals with her fingers and to her amazement

Her still body was half submerged in a crimson pool of blood, her chest rose with shallow pants as her frigid breath struggled to fill her broken lungs. All around her fairies fluttered in a frantic rush, not knowing how to save her yet refusing to accept her approaching death. Even the corrupt fairies wailed with anguish and regret, burying their weeping faces in their small hands. Suddenly the heavens parted and a golden angel descended upon the tragic scene. Her long hair falling in cascading curls to her waist, her lips curved in a sad smile that touched her gentle eyes, her graceful wings shielding the unmoving form of our wounded one. The angel touched her soft fingers to the girl’s cold brow, her tears rained on the open wounds. The fairies all stood as still as statues the only movement was their rapidly falling tears which mixed with the river welling up and out of the angles bright shining eyes, as the soothing balm of tears washed over the girl releasing her of the pain of betrayal, she opened her eyes looked at all the worried faces around her and smiled “I love you all” 

    Love such a strong emotion one that can be as sharp as a sward or as gentle as a baby’s kiss…love almost killed her yet it was love that ultimately saved her…love is all that matters and through love the shattered fragments of her heart fused back together and filled her with such a sense of well being that sustained her happiness till the end of her days.        

Like a naive child she believed in the goodness of the fairies. She was mesmerized by their dainty beauty and their innocent charm, their childish nature was so refreshing and inspiring. She opened her heart to all of them and welcomed them into the warmth of her beating heart. She gave them with everything she had, she cared for them with every fiber of her being, her soul grew with their laughter and her spirit felt light with their success. She defended them against the harsh winds, for their fragile bodies couldn’t withstand its ferocious might. She shielded them from the gnawing beasts of the Forbidden Forest; she hid them and stood proudly receiving every blow and bite, her flesh ripping off her bones and her blood soaking the earth beneath her feet. Although her body suffered, her heart grew with the joy of their amity. Then it happened. The light of the silver moon flashed through the dens leaves of the Forbidden Forest. The force of the shock brought her to her knees, she clutched her heart and felt the sticky heat of her warm blood flowing between her fingers, streaming out of her broken heart, her fingers were drenched in her blood. It was them, there were no beasts, it was her precious fairies, some of them were behind the attacks, a number of them have forged and alliance against her.  Her mind was slow to comprehend what had happened. How could this betrayal be true? As she fell to the ground the life gradually seeping out of her body she could do nothing but mop her spilled blood with her tangled hair, she didn’t want it to stain their pretty feet. After all that has been said and done she still loved them. The last drop of her blood mixed with one salty tear and from it a single rose sprung. A rose of exquisite beauty yet of  steel like thorns…

      Every season shows a different face, a different color, a different spirit….

Summer was a time of new beginnings, a time of creation and affection, a time which summoned the planting of the seed, deep with in the tender heart of earth, golden beams of light warmed it and the tears of heaven nourished it…. It grew.

Autumn was a peaceful time, the world wore a shimmering golden cloak bejeweled with hints of green and brown, tender sprigs began to unfurl and greet the world. Budding life welled up within it, tinting it with the rosy blush of youth and love…. It grew.

Winter was turbulent and harsh. The wrath of the Ice Queen was upon the world. Severe winds tore around it, snow and hail beat down on it. Our one perfect red rose seemed to be too fragile, too delicate to withstand the blows of strife and sadness. Its petals wilted, its vibrant color dimmed, it bent gracefully with every gust and every blow, swaying yet never breaking. Never let appearances fool you, it still grew!

Spring was a time of healing, a time that relieved the wounds of the past. Gentle breezes and balmy nights smoothed the jagged ends left by winter. Pain was forgiven and forgotten. Our rose lifted her beautiful head and gazed at the golden eye of heaven, majestically she displayed her velvety petals, her richness restored, her smooth surface marked by the troubles she has seen, lines of the palest pink and the deepest maroon webbed over the surface of each individual delicate petal, she was the most amazing, most breathtakingly beautiful rose any soul had the privilege to gaze upon, she was the rose of experience grown from the seed of innocence and love, marked by life….      

    Lately I seem to find myself longing for something that seems constantly out of reach, like fragments of a dream that can not be fully retained. Yet my heart still calls for it, and my soul seems to wilt a bit every day for the lack of it. Is it me? Am I the problem? Am I unworthy? Did I do something that has rendered me undeserving of my deepest desire?

   Every passing moment it is eating away at my thoughts filling my head with dreams so heart wrenchingly beautiful that I feel the burning prickle of tears at my eyes, images so sweet and tender, delicate like a perfectly shaped phoenix feather and just as elusive.  I find myself building memories on things I have yet to experience.

   There is nothing I can do, no action or plan I can form to bring my desire closer to my grasping fingers, I must remain as I have always been filling my clutching hands with swirling tendrils of empty smoke till my time comes, if in fact it ever does….

   I have never liked pink it’s such a grille color, flimsy, like a little girl who need her daddy to push her on the swing because she is not strong enough to push herself. I prefer red, a strong utterly feminine color. Romantic, yet shrouded in mystery.

    Maybe I have been watching too many movies but I seem to find myself delving into my secret red world more and more lately. How wonderful if I could close my eyes and lose myself in that perfectly dramatic world of magic for ever, to fall through some secret portal to the world inside my head. Everything is so perfect there, very dramatic yet perfect none the less… I will stop here; I will not give anymore information about my red world. It is mine and I do not want to share it. All I will say is that I want to go there and never come back!

      Do you think they know? They will soon find out? Fraud! Fraud! They will jeer in outrage. I shall fall. Or have I ever risen to begin with. Fraud! Fraud! I hear it… or is it in my head?

     Young and bright, so cleaver, so creative. That is what they think now, what they see now. Wait till it all falls off. Fraud! Fraud! Their eyes blaming, hating what they once loved. Did they love? Was it in my head? Fraud! Fraud! I hear it…or is it in my head?

     Do they like what they see? Are they fooled? Do you think they know it is all for show? Do you think I am winning? Yes, yes they adore it. They love it. It? What is it? Fraud! Fraud! I hear it… or is it in my head?

    Fraud! Fraud! I hear it so clear; it can’t be in my head.

FRAUD! FRAUD!FRAUD! FARUD!FRAUD!FARUD! FRAUD!FRAUD!FRAUD! FARUD!FRAUD!FARUD!FARUD!FARUD!FRAUD!FARUD!FRAUD!FRAUD FRAUD! FRAUD!FRAUD! FARUD!FRAUD!FARUD! FRAUD!FRAUD!FRAUD! FARUD!FRAUD!FARUD!FARUD!FARUD!FRAUD!FARUD!FRAUD!FRAUD FARUD!FARUD!FRAUD!FARUD!FRAUD!FRAUD!FARUD!FARUD!FRAUD!FRAUD!FRAUD!FRAUD!

   Is it in my head?